4 Reasons Men Need to Show Emotions
Men
Audio By Carbonatix
By Beth Ann Baus, Crosswalk.com
Almost thirty years ago, during our premarital counseling, my husband and I were told to envision a box of crayons. It was then explained to us that when it comes to emotions, men are born with a box of eight crayons consisting of eight basic colors.
Women, on the other hand, are born with a box of one hundred and twenty crayons with colors no one has ever heard of. Women’s boxes have a sharpener on the back to keep each color ready to go, and the box also comes with the ability to mix and create new colors at any given moment.
This, of course, isn’t the case for all men and women. And yet, for many, this analogy rings true. Whether you’re a man with eight basic emotions or one hundred and twenty, it’s important that you show them. It’s important for you and for the people around you. Join me in exploring some of the reasons why.
1. Showing Emotions Improves Mental Health
Obviously, there are unhealthy ways to express emotions, such as exploding in anger. However, it’s also unhealthy to keep anger pent up inside, left unaddressed. Suppressed emotions, like anger, can lead to anxiety, depression, and isolation.
When left unchecked, suppressed emotions can lead to coping mechanisms that promote mental escape. Some men find themselves escaping reality by diving into substance abuse, gambling, or extramarital affairs. For others, it’s pornography, gaming, excessive exercise, or becoming a workaholic.
Psalm 43:3-4 says, “For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.”
While this verse is talking about unconfessed sin, it also expresses the effects of inner turmoil. Keeping emotions locked inside can not only lead to physical wasting away and groaning, but it can also drain your vitality like the heat of summer.
In contrast, regularly pouring out your heart to God and to trusted family and friends can help lower stress levels, which can impact everything from muscle tension and blood pressure to sleep patterns. This, in turn, can lead to clearer thinking, higher productivity, and an overall sense of calm and peace.
2. Showing Emotions Promotes Conflict Resolution
We’ve all been caught up in conflict. Whether you’re at fault in the conflict or not, we all know there can be temptation to ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Even if you’re someone who doesn’t shy away from confrontation, expressing emotions of hurt, disappointment, or frustration can be difficult.
While there is sometimes wisdom in walking away from conflict, most of the time, there’s wisdom in expressing the emotions you feel. This not only gives insight into the other person involved, but it also gives you the opportunity to speak truth in love, which sets an example and opens the door for everyone involved to express their feelings.
In Psalm 14:2, we see David hiding out in a cave, being hunted by his enemies. Take note that David doesn’t sit silently staring at the wall of the cave. He doesn’t distract himself by whittling or carving. What David does is cry out to God. He says, “With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.”
Because David cried out to God first, we see in 1 Samuel 24 that he was then able to speak directly, calmly, and wisely to his enemy, Saul. Crying out to God and then expressing your emotions to all involved shows a side of vulnerability that can de-escalate the tension. This shows a vulnerability and a desire to bring about a resolution.
While many men have been taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, David is one of many examples that show us that expressing emotions is actually a sign of great strength and wisdom. Respectfully showing emotion to promote conflict resolution is also a sign of leadership and will likely gain you the respect of all involved.
3. Showing Emotions Encourages Other Men to Be Vulnerable
Men, you have influence over the other men in your life, whether you like it or not. Your brothers, sons, grandsons, and nephews look to you as an example. Your coworkers, the guys in your small group, the boys on the team you coach—whatever your life circumstances are, the other men in your life are influenced by you.
There’s likely a man in your life who is hurting, grieving, struggling with anger, or who has a deep-seated sin struggle they need help putting to death. Are you the type of man who is, even unconsciously, encouraging this man to keep his feelings buried inside? Or are you the type of man who leads by example and demonstrates that expressing these emotions is good and profitable?
In 2 Samuel 1:17-27, after Jonathan is killed in battle, David writes and publicly sings a very emotional lament. David weeps, fasts, and verbalizes his distress over losing his dear friend. I don’t think we’d hear David claim that real men don’t cry. Men need more friends like David in their lives.
In John 11:35-36, we see Jesus weeping at Lazarus’ tomb. He did this, not in private, but publicly, in front of a crowd. He wept so bitterly that the Jews watching said, “See how he loved him.” Jesus showed such pure vulnerability that there was no questioning why he was emotional. He lost a friend. He wept.
When men are willing to be vulnerable and show their emotions in front of others, it teaches other men that this behavior is not only acceptable but good. When one man drops his guard and shows authentic emotion, he’s giving an invitation to every man in the room to do the same. And this is a good thing.
4. Showing Emotion Helps Strengthen the Women Around You
Men aren’t the only ones who have been taught to stifle their emotions. Women have also been affected by sayings like “big girls don’t cry,” or they’ve been made to think that showing emotion equals being manipulative. Believe it or not, when a woman sees a man showing emotion, it creates an environment of safety for her to do the same.
Acts 20:36-38 says, “And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.” Imagine the impact this scene would have had on any onlooking women.
In Genesis 29:9-11, we see Jacob meeting Rachel at the well. He rolls the stone from the well’s mouth to water her flock, then he kisses her and weeps aloud. These tears weren’t expressing sorrow, but joy and relief after his long journey. How loved Rachel must have felt to have Jacob weep with joy to be back home.
God gave us a wide range of emotions. Laughter, for instance, expresses the emotion of joy and amusement. Do you laugh with the women in your life? Laughter can act as a social glue, creating stronger bonds between a man and a woman in marriage and in friendship. Proverbs 17:22 tells us that a joyful heart is good medicine. `
Romans 12:15 tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice, and to weep with those who weep. While this applies to everyone in your life, think specifically of the women you’re closest to. Your mom, your wife, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a friend. Showing emotion in front of the women in your life tells them you’re emotionally available and that you will be attentive to the emotions they display.
No matter how many colors are in your crayon box, I encourage you to make the most of them. Let the Lord be honored by how you show them, use them, and let others be blessed by them.
Just as someone with one hundred and twenty colors can learn to use them responsibly, someone with eight colors can learn to wield them into much more.
The next time you want to let out a belly laugh, or you feel tears welling up, remind yourself that God gave you those emotions and the ability to express them. Show them for His glory.
