3 Prayers of Comfort for Widows and Widowers Enduring Their First Valentine's Day Alone
St. Valentine's Day
Audio By Carbonatix
Crosswalk.com
My heart holds grief for my grandmother each Valentine’s Day. Though my grandfather passed ten years ago, his love lingers. It’s loud enough to fill the empty spaces he once took up. This is, of course, a beautiful thing. After all, my grandmother started dating him at 16 and never looked back.
But regardless of knowing you were loved, there’s an undeniable weight, a raw wound, that comes with a past-tense relationship torn apart by death. It’s a unique sadness that never fully heals on this side of heaven, forcing you to navigate life with heartache forever settled on your shoulders and in your bones.
Valentine’s Day only amplifies it all, as there is no new card, box of chocolates, or dozen roses delivered to your desk or front porch. He isn’t waiting for you to get home so he can take you out for a romantic candlelight dinner, and she isn’t there to wow you in her beautiful red dress.
The World’s Heartless Voice
The world and all its marketing resources are whispering that you’re alone, and when the love of your life is gone from this world, there’s no way to “fix” the loneliness. Are ads and commercials intentionally taunting you for being a widow/widower? No. But they certainly aren’t considering your emotional state and the battles you are facing as they drown the world in gushy clickbait.
Thus, this holiday that once gifted you endearing affection now demands that you survive its ghost. It has turned a cold, calloused shoulder to your circumstances and leaves your heart in the dust as it markets to a newer generation or a different crowd of lovebirds.
So, whether you are a new widow/widower, or you are a loved one watching as your family member or close friend endures this Valentine’s Day alone, consider these prayers of comfort. Allow their words to fill the cracks and crannies of your brokenness that’s so raw and real in this romantic holiday season:
1. To Preserve the Sweetness of the Past
My grandparents went to high school together, but there was a big enough age gap that kept their paths from crossing much. However, my grandfather learned that my grandmother's father owned a local diner, where she worked. Not only did he become a faithful patron, but he also made sure to always sit in the section where she waitressed. Eventually, he left his phone number on a gum wrapper that he not-so-discreetly placed on the diner table, and it paid off.
They dated for roughly four years, he proposed to her on her front porch swing, and they were married on a beautiful day in May. They traveled the country together, had two children, and started a construction business. There were countless beautiful memories nestled in their forty-plus years of marriage.
But for many, the sweet memories are soured when death steals their life partner. To revisit the good times leaves room for bitterness, as you must always pull yourself to the present, to an empty rocking chair, dining room seat, or driver’s seat in the car.
So if bitterness threatens to ruin your sweet past memories, pray:
Lord, I praise you for the gift of life, for granting me the grace to spend ____ time with my life partner. Deep down, I’m grateful for all the sweet memories we created, but to revisit them leaves me sad, even angry and bitter. Father, uproot the bitterness in my heart. Allow me to take a trip down memory lane with a true smile on my face.
As I relentlessly practice gratitude, may I be thankful for what was, even if it can’t be what is anymore. I praise you for your gift of time, no matter how much or how little. In this new season, may I trust your timing and plan for my life. In your holy name, Jesus, Amen.
2. To Find Daily Bread in the Present
In the past few months, I’ve discovered that the daily bread God tells us to pray for isn’t always physical. Of course, we should ask and thank Him for the physical nourishment we need, and we certainly aren’t to neglect those without food.
However, our daily bread is also the spiritual, mental, and emotional sustenance we need to survive the day. Our imperfect bodies time out. Our fuel tanks deplete in all capacities. Thus, it’s vital to ask God for daily strength and blessings, especially in seasons of loneliness and grief.
While we ask God for our daily bread, we must ask Him for eyes to see His provision. When we are spiritually aware of the constant ways He upholds us, our hearts are bent towards His mercy, grace, and comforting presence.
Consider this daily prayer as you navigate a sad Valentine's Day:
Lord, in this deep-rooted grief, I barely process anything outside survival. The empty chair, empty sock drawer, and quiet kitchen are too much. Nonetheless, when grief threatens to consume me, grant me the courage to look for your daily blessings.
Your mercy and grace have kept me here for a reason. Don’t allow the enemy and the world's careless noise to keep me from seeing all the beauty you have in store for me on earth. Grant grace for my limitations and mercy in my mistakes. In this grief, I give you glory. In this sadness, I seek your good hand. Forever, God, Amen.
3. To Have Hope for the Future
When I hear Christian’s quote Jeremiah 29:11, the verse that promises both a hope and a future, I often wonder if they understand the context surrounding this passage. At this time, Israel was in captivity; it was a spiritually desolate season. The hope and future weren't superficial wants. They were desperate pleas for spiritual salvation. Their hope needed the ultimate Rescuer; otherwise, it wouldn’t survive.
This message wasn’t meant for people to casually toss around when they want a feel-good idea of the gospel to drown out its true calling to wade through grief, loss, heartache, and temptation with trust in God’s goodness. Rather, this message was meant for those who recognize the faulty fickleness of "feeling good” about themselves and long to be made whole by whatever means God designates.
Dear widow/widower, your God wants your hope to dig down and root deep inside your heart. He wants you to continue healing and finding a hope that lasts as you look to your future. So when your future seems dismal and bleak, consider this prayer:
Lord, a future without my spouse doesn’t feel like a future at all, certainly not one filled with hope and purpose. Nevertheless, help me remember that my ultimate calling is to fulfill your will for my life. Sustain me with your loving kindness as I seek your face for the spiritual stamina to continue showing up for family, friends, my church community, and whoever else you place in my life.
May I remember that this earth is never the end, and death, for the believer, is but the beginning of a perfect eternity with you. In your almighty name, Jesus, Amen.
Scriptures to Pray When All Else Feels Too Heavy
Sometimes, curating our own prayers can feel impossible, especially when we are spiritually, mentally, and emotionally spent.
When I am in these places, I pray Scripture, words already offered by saints of old who leaned into God’s protection as their survival. If praying feels like an uphill battle, or even devoid of feeling or emotions, consider whispering these Scriptures:
“From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2 (NKJV)
“When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, And afterward receive me to glory.” Psalm 73:21-24 (NASB)
“Even though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 (ESV)
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:11 (NIV)
“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
This Valentine’s Day, when the world seems to have left you and your loneliness in the trenches, I pray you give grief her rightful place, but allow God’s light and love to bloom amid the cracks in your heart.
I’m carrying you with me this Valentine’s season.
Love,
Peyton
